A princess that loves fun and hardcore
16th June 2020
I have woken up to fantastic news, The Supreme Court in USA has ruled 6-3 against businesses being able to fire LGBTQ folk simply for their sexuality, finally something positive and uplifting. Yesterday was hell after a two day party this weekend lol, luckily I have my dream of a boyfriend to wait on me hand and foot whenever the need calls for it. Everyday has seemingly been falling into one, and every time I blink it feels like Friday again, but this good news has finally allowed me to resurface and merge some positivity back into the darkness within my mind.
17th June 2020
Today has been a day filled with melancholia - had a heavy weekend of partying, so it's of no surprise that I feel sensitive. For lots of people I understand that lockdown has been a time of reclusiveness, but I on the other hand have been partying very often in Prosecco Palace (my home) and it's been great. Every time I blink it feels like Friday and the party starts all over again haha. It's just quite hard when each day blends in to one, the usual feeling of productivity that I used to feel seems to be amiss entirely at the moment. There rarely seems to be even a shred of positivity in the news so I'm trying my best to avoid it.
My boyfriend moved in just before the lockdown was announced and as dreamlike as it is getting to spend every second with him, the true thing I am missing the most is being at home alone, not just for him, but for my house mates too, that also contributes to my lack of productivity, having to navigate around others day's and lives... the first time I've encountered this so intensely. I feel that if our relationship can survive through a pandemic, it can survive through anything :-)
19th June 2020
Yesterday was even more surreal than other days; it was the first time I have been home alone with my boyfriend in ages and although it was gorgeous, filled with so much hot sex and activities we love, I felt quite anxious that we were alone. I haven't quite managed to address definitely what was the route cause, but I know that once the lockdown eases, it's going to be a massive acclimatisation process to get back to what we knew.
I started therapy via zoom during lockdown, and I must say that it has been a saviour for me - this week has been filled with heavy melancholia, but after speaking to her yesterday morning, I was finally able to communicate what was happening in my wee head; so relieving.
Docu recommendation - "The seasons of Quincy: four portraits of John Berger"
20th June 2020
Today was many adjectives, sexy, fun, delicious, inspiring, thought-provoking, intense, unusual, lonely, pleasant, sad,
sexy - amazing sex that made me feel super hot
fun - critiquing artist work of a friend plus gossiping
delicious - the lunch said friend made
inspiring - did a personality test that was optimistic and the cycle home was really filling my head with inspiration
thought-provoking - soaked up all the interaction with Ricardo (the friend)
intense - back @ home, waiting
unusual - drinks @ a cemetery
lonely - being in company but not in company
pleasant - mooching and smooching with my amore
sad - being awake next to my sleeping amore
28th June 2020
Everything feels magnified all the time in lockdown, the good and the bad, I wonder how long or if life will ever return to some semblance of "normality". There are many facets of our current societal norms that needed a shift, and I am grateful for this time of self-introspection, to understand deeper about what I am looking for in this life and what I am willing to tolerate from others. I think we were all lost in this weird void of feeling like we have to, because that's what you're supposed to do. But no. We don't have to work until we can't function, we don't have to live with strangers, we don't have to be spending our time doing things so far away from what we want, that are we even ourselves anymore? Or just a functioning form curated by structural and societal norms?
Not today satan xxx