Daughter of heroes working in the #NHS. Older sister, #student, writer, reader. I'm just a girl trying to survive this pandemic.
28th April 2020
The other day, I found a video on Facebook about how there are people in America that believe "the pandemic doesn't exist". By the time I had finished watching it, I was clenching my fists so hard that my nails had left little bloody cresent circles in my palms, and my little brother was in a panic about what to do with my angry tears.
I was furious, annoyed and just really sad. I couldn't explain how this attitude towards covid19 made me feel.
It hurts that there are people who really do believe the pandemic is a fake conspiracy by the government, even though there are so many people that have lost loved ones because of this pandemic.
I guess those people are lucky? Lucky that they haven't felt the fear of being unable to breathe. The fear of the burn in your body taking over you as your fever reaches scalding heights. The fear of not knowing if you'll wake up the next time you fall asleep.
The fear of losing someone because other people didn't care enough to even believe that there are lives in danger.
My mother, who is a nurse working for the #NHS, came home one day with a terrible cough, a scalding fever, and had just about made it inside the door before falling into my arms. Those people don't know how scary that moment felt for me. She was diagnosed as positive of covid19, and it took two weeks of restless sleep, terrified tears, and endless nights, before she could walk around the house by herself again.
My poor father, who had gone to visit my grandmothers in our home country (Philippines), had been stuck there for two months, unable to come home and support us while my mother was sick. He was helpless and alone half way around the world, with no way to get back to us. I can't remember how many times I had to watch my father cry over facetime, or how many times he called just to say good morning or goodnight. Even now, he has only been able to get a flight back to #London after being away for two months.
But the thing that broke my heart, was when my mother asked me not to turn the lights off because she was scared she wouldn't be able to wake up again. I left her room with the lights on that night and sank to the floor in the corridor, holding in my tears. In her feverish state, I couldn't imagine how scared she must have been.
We are lucky. My mother is strong and had the tenacity to get through it, but there are people out there who have lost loved ones the same way I almost lost mine.
That's why I was so angry when I saw that video. Just because they felt suffocated by the lockdown, they decide that there is no real risk and leave the safety of their homes. Just to enjoy a little sun, they put everyone else, and themselves, at risk, with no care. I can understand that it is difficult to stay cooped up in your house all day every day, but to say that there was no risk? That is just stupid ignorance.
In their ignorance, they hurt and insult the people who are suffering. Not like that is anything new in society though, is it?